The Beginning
We had talked about engagement here and there and I one time mentioned how important it was to me that if that were to happen, it be creative. I wanted the romance and even gave multiple examples of all the glorious engagements that my friends had experienced. And, after 2 years of dating, the moment happened. He popped the big question….but it was far from creative or glorious. I was excited about being engaged and yet secretly I was so sad that it was done in such a simple, matter-of-fact manner. But, how could I share such a thing and risk hurting his feelings?
Six months later, we were legal! And, three months later….we moved many thousands of miles away from friends and family. We both had wanted to move away from our current location, but we had no idea we’d end up as far away as we did nor as quickly. And, that is when everything started to change.
My husband disappeared and the monster came out! I kid you not….it was like night and day. Suddenly, everything I did and everything I said was wrong. I was blamed for anything you can possibly imagine. My husband was full of anger and rage. He would yell, scream, name call, belittle, and throw things. And, then….he would calm down and apologize, saying all the right things…my heart would melt, and we’d move forward.
I know, I know….it’s starting to sound like the battered wife syndrome already right?….Not quite….keep reading. It gets far more interesting. I am a strong believer in the marriage vows and was willing to do anything to work on our relationship. He truly had me believing that I was the one at fault. And, so after an act of congress in twisting his arm….he finally agreed to go to marriage counseling.
Our counselor was amazing at his ability to remain objective and call my husband on his behaviors; however, my husband then began saying that ‘we’ were ganging up on him. See, I’m in the mental health field….so according to hubby, I’m always analyzing him, counseling him, and trying to control him even though that is far from the truth. He eventually left me…moved out completely for 6 months and the whole time was “uncertain” he wanted to remain married. I was devastated! Here I was thousands of miles away from anyone and only beginning to make new friends and my husband leaves me. And, the reality of it at the time was I honestly had no idea why. I heard his complaints, but they just didn’t make sense to me.
And, yet…I continued to strive in every way possible to make changes and do what I could to help resolve the problems. At the end of the six month period, as he was preparing to move back in….we became pregnant. The following 9 months were the greatest 9 months of my life. Our relationship was great, my husband had returned, the pregnancy was wonderful, and the joys of planning for an angel were very exciting.
Things continued to go well with only a few “outbursts” here and there. About 10 months later, I was pregnant with angel #2 and that is when the monster began to return. Slowly but surely, he built up more and more until it was back to the full blown anger and rage tantrums. The only difference now is that I had children to think about. I could not allow them to be exposed to what was taking place and as hard as it was for me to even consider, I went and talked with a divorce lawyer. That same weekend, things hit the ceiling and my husband told me that he had something to share….something he had discovered about himself. And, I was glad to hear it as it almost sounded like hope at that point. I will let you know what happened very soon.
